I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
