Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
