The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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