Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
