I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
