Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
