They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
