Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
