im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize