so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
