Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
