I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
