I could make wine with my vomit
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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