if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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