I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
