After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
