i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
