that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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