every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
