Soap is not a condiment
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
