wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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