I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
