i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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