Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
