I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
