ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
