I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
