True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
