no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
