Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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