Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
