so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
