My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
