do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is my gift to your gina
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize