I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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