I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
