Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
