Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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