Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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