great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
