So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
