so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
