Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
