Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
