I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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