Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize