I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
