My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
