Who did Billy Mays play for?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
