If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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