Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
