Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
