Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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