omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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