If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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