So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
