Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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