that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
