This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
