i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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