my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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