I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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