Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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