Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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