Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
