Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
