Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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