It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
