Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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